WHAT IS THE PROJECT?

I suppose that's a natural question.

Well, you know how everyone loves all-time rushing touchdown leader LaDainian Tomlinson of the San Diego Chargers? We do too! And we thought to ourselves - we want his autograph. So that's the project: execute a fool-proof plan to get his autograph.

BUT IT'S REALLY HARD TO GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO A CELEBRITY TO GET HIS OR HER AUTOGRAPH!

That's very true! So we had to put on our thinking caps and come up with a plan.

WHICH WAS?

You can actually figure out where professional athletes are going to be by checking their 'schedule'. This is public information. Turns out that in a few weeks, the Chargers will be playing the world-famous (and world-class) Arizona Cardinals. As in, all 67 Cardinals will actually be on the field with one LaDainian Tomlinson!

So, the answer was simple -- write a letter asking every single Cardinal player to get LaDainian's autograph for us!

WHAT WERE THESE LETTERS LIKE?

Well, here's an example of one.

Elton Brown
#61, Arizona Cardinals
8701 South Hardy Drive
Tempe, AZ 85285

Dear Mr. Brown,

My name is Nick Ware. I am 34 years old.

Awhile ago, my grandfather died. Not only that, but I weigh just over 343 pounds, which makes life hard. In this tough time, I am reaching out to you for help.

I have been a season-long San Diego Chargers fan. On Sunday the 31st (the last day of the year!), your Arizona Cardinals will be playing the Chargers in San Diego. There is nothing I would like more than the autograph of a truly great football player Ñ LADAINIAN TOMLINSON (#21).

I need your help to make my holidays bright. After the game, can you ask LaDainian to sign the enclosed photograph, and then can you send it back to me? I sent you an envelope too.

I know all the players hang out on the field after the end of the last quarter Ñ that would probably be a good time to do it.

Thanks for your help! What position do you play?

Sincerely,

P.S. Didn't you go to Virginia? I want to be a vet. What do you think?

And, of course, we included something for LaDainian to sign.

OK, I THINK I UNDERSTAND. BUT HOW CAN YOU SCIENTIFICALLY TRACK WHAT TYPE OF LETTER IS MOST LIKELY TO EVOKE A RESPONSE?

Well, we established a series of variables. For example, we tried different types of ailments (lack of business success, mild illness) and different ages (between 12 and 87). We'll see what combination works!

SMART. CAN I SEE A CHART ARTICULATING THE VARIOUS VARIABLES, AND MAYBE WITH LINKS TO THE LETTERS?

Sure.

COMPLICATED, BUT GENIUS.

Indeed. Thank you.

UPDATE: A RESPONSE!

I will let the pictures speak for themselves.

A letter from Kurt Warner, part 1

A letter from Kurt Warner, part 2

A card from Kurt Warner, part 1

A card from Kurt Warner, part 2